Common Myths about Domestic Violence

An abuse victim must be doing something wrong to cause her partner to treat her like that.
Reality: No one can cause another person to be abusive. Abusers choose to physically or psychologically control and manipulate their partners because that is what they've learned works, at least temporarily.

Domestic violence victims can leave any time they really want to leave.
Reality: The abuse begins in a relationship only after the victim is emotionally, practically and/or financially dependent on the abuser. By then it is very difficult and dangerous to leave. Many victims are killed after a divorce or separation, not before.

Once an abuse victim - always an abuse victim.
Reality: the majority of abuse victims ultimately leave their partners; even though they may attempt to leave and return many times before that final time.

He may push her around a little but the abuse doesn't sound very serious.
Reality: Abusers and victims both minimize the abuse to themselves and the outside world. Outsiders are allowed to see only the "tip of the iceberg" of what actually happens in the relationship.

Domestic violence only happens in lower class homes.
Reality: Domestic violence happens among couples from all socioeconomic levels. It tends to be better hidden among higher income couples since they may be more worried about losing good paying jobs or social standing if people find out about the abuse. They also tend to live in bigger homes, farther from being heard and out of view from neighbors.